YAWN BABY YAWN

OK! magazine must have paid a hefty fee for quotes from new mother Jamie Lynn Spears. After all, she's been very quiet since she gave birth to Maddie Briann Aldridge (and isn't that just the most beautiful name you could ever imagine?) so she must be foaming at the mouth to give exclusive accounts about the miracle of her first child's birth. Mustn't she?

The birth of a first child is probably the most magical moment is any person's life, so to be the first to access the thoughts of Britney's sister post-partum must have made for an incredible, emotive interview. Well, based on these quotes, make up your own mind, all the while remembering how many millions of dollars these words must have cost.

"They'd told me it would be an eight- to 12-hour labor, and I was ready to have the baby in three to four hours. I had a perfect pregnancy and a perfect delivery. I was very blessed....

"She'll feed every two or three hours. When she wakes up in the middle of the night, I'll feed her and she goes right back to sleep. There's no screaming and crying…

"We get up in the morning, and she gets her little bath. Then I get my bath. We have a routine, and I love routines. I've worked one out with her, and we're happy going about our little life."

How incredibly dull and lifeless! In fact, the whole daily routine sounds just like Britney's life since her daddy started keeping her locked up in a gated compound. Congratulations to Jamie Lynn on the birth of her child, and commiserations to the commissioning editor of OK! magazine and his impending search for a new job.