THE GIFT OF THE BLAH-BLAH-BLAH-NEY

James Blunt, the most boring man in music, has...Wait, let's start again. James Blunt, the most boring man in any spectrum of life yet mapped, has told a Dublin radio station that he would consider moving to Ireland in his retirement as the people there are so musical; a beautiful and in no way patronising outlook on the nation.

Captain Charisma rolled his twin weapons of dullness and blandness into the studios of the catchily-named Dublin FM104 after a gig at the Irish capital's RDS venue and wasted no time in rolling out the sycophancy in order to sell a few more albums.

"Irish people have music in their blood. The audiences want to be part of it," he declared, this outspoken love for the Irish people in no way connected to the fact that he used to be a high-ranking soldier in the British Army.

He even revealed that his first proper tour was around Ireland five years ago, when he was accompanied by just a keyboard player and a terrible feeling of emptiness. And would he consider moving to the Emerald Isle? "Absolutely!" he replied firmly, forgetting that this country has suffered quite enough, thank you.

Let's hope that the Irish public see through James's blatant brown-nosing and ignore him in their droves. Never has the term 'charm offensive' seemed such an apt oxymoron.