JAKE GYLLENHAAL AND REESE WITHERSPOON TO MARRY

DONNIE TWO BEARDS

Published on Fri 11 January 2008 by IanMcShane

JAKE GYLLENHAAL AND REESE WITHERSPOON TO MARRY

A marriage made in heaven. That's what they're cooing in Hollywood about the news that Jake Gyllenhaal (previously thought to be a confirmed bachelor) has decided to give up the wild party nights and settle down at last. The major surprise is that he's chosen a woman to do this with, and none other that epic-chinned Oscar winner Reese Witherspoon, a woman with a name almost as attractive as her lower face.

So congratulations to the golden couple, who will surely inherit Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman's mantle as 'most unlikely couple to get together in Hollywood'. The pair have been courting for quite a while now, and Jake originally proposed in Rome when they visited the city last October. A source (un-named, naturally) said,

"When Jake proposed in Rome, he knew Reese needed time, and didn't really expect her to say 'yes' right away. He just wanted her to know that he was serious about their relationship - serious enough to make her his wife."

God, that's beautiful! Reese originally turned the offer down, but after talking to her closest friends (and perhaps discussing a pre-nup agreement with her lawyers) has now graciously agreed to be his beard. Sorry, wife.

Ladies and gentlemen, place your bets now. 3 to 1 the marriage is over in three years. 2 to 1 Jake embraces Scientology before the decade is out.

Jake gyllenhaal, Resse Witherspoon, Oscar winner, Tom Cruise, Nicole Kidman, Scientology, marriage

pass it on print article

DAY TWO IN VEGAS
LILY ALLEN LASHES OUT AGAIN
THE TALE OF JACK AND AMY
HERBIE: FULLY CLOTHED
NEWSMOUND

GREG'S NASTIES
ACTING UP
MILLER�S CROSSING (THE ATLANTIC)
WORKING 9 TO 9.05
BACKE ON TEH DRUGGES AGANE!

COMMENTS

		MrsMoon on Fri 11 January 2008 said... maybe, just maybe, he is straight and, dare i say it 'In love'...Just takes one person to tell a load of lies and it goes around the world...I cannot believe in this day and age, young actors are still covering up their sexuality to this extent by marrying.
		gaylord on Fri 11 January 2008 said... You'd be surprised...hollywood is a little bit like the army used to be, probably with more wank the biscuit being played. I'm confused though because i thought weatherspoons was married to Ryan Philipe?
		ChunkyMunky on Fri 11 January 2008 said... ooh you old romantic mrs m! But isn't our whole raison d'etre here to comment on,peddle and perpetuate wholly scurrilous and unsubstantiated rumour and smut??? Do agree with your eloquent rebuttal of HM's "purpose of marriage is to conceal gayness" theory although in the case of Reece Witherspoon I fear the thought of marriage to her would turn a man anyway! ( have you had the misfortune to endure the cinematic turd that is Sweet Home Alabama???? )
		Tina on Fri 11 January 2008 said... Just check out that picture above: Jake is picking his teeth with a toothpick. It must be love! LOL Anyway, there is no reason to believe this rumor.
		MrsMoon on Fri 11 January 2008 said... Yes i am romantic, but not old, Chunk! I'm on here to mock the talentless and stupid, and generally shake my fist at the sky and scream "Why!?" Just don't see why rumours should be accepted as the truth, because it's more juicy.
		rainbow_brite on Fri 11 January 2008 said... not being funny but i didn't know they were going out :-/
		Gee on Fri 11 January 2008 said... I agree with Mrs.Moon. It is really insulting and demeaning to just assume about Jake's sexuality. Yeah like any of you are in his bedroom. Your ignorance and narrow mindedness is pathetic and immature even for gossip. Please, Jake has nothing to do with Scientology and of course no insults for saint Reese because she is the one being used. God you are disgusting. Guess what it was Jake who did Brokeback, not all those other actors who turned it down. It has been Jake who went without a girlfriend for a while despite the aganda of one gossip columnist. Yeah that really sounds like someone who is afraid of being gay...not. In this day and age it is sad that you have to insult people who are better and more mature about sexuality than you. Maybe if you weren't children and could not need to insult a seemingly gay friendly, good guy, talented actor like Jake. You don't know anything so leave him alone, assholes!
		velcroboy on Fri 11 January 2008 said... bloody hell!!!
		ChunkyMunky on Fri 11 January 2008 said... Apologies mrs m - know you're a firm young nymph & keep up your ever-sharp and witty mocking of the fame-afflicted losers HM puts before us! I take your point, but am sure nobody's daft enough to take anything HM says as gospel anyway?? What's funny is seeing people getting way too uptight - Gee, relax your yankee self a bit - you've kind of missed the point? Am sure Jake's a lovely bloke, gives to charity, kind to animals and children etc, but the truth is that none of us care if he's gay/straight/tranny or anywhere inbetween!! It's a lame article with a preposterous premise, which has been cheerily pointed out! That said I reserve the right to slag "saint reece" because I think her films are generally very poor indeed.
		MrsMoon on Fri 11 January 2008 said... Take your point Mr Chunk, i just think in 2008, if people in the public eye are gay, they shouldn't have to go through the charade like stars like Rock Hudson did 40 odd years ago and marry or pretend to be straight in general, its tragic...the public nowadays couldn't give a fuck. Why live a lie just to keep a few psycho bible bashers happy?
		Freefall on Fri 11 January 2008 said... We used to call it soggy biscuit
		GoBetween on Fri 11 January 2008 said... Oh my fucking lord, the American PR agents dressed as shrill fangirls have arrived at Holy Moly in the form of "Gee" to tell everybody off for daring to assume Jake is gay. You must be fucking terrified by now. And yes, he's still gay, and very nice. But, still gay. The Reese thing is for publicity.
		momoney on Sun 13 January 2008 said... Now understand why it IS brave to play a homosexual in a movie and why I would never ever do it. Once the males of Hollywood check out Jake's gay rep before and after BBM there will no more gay movies!
		Gee on Sun 13 January 2008 said... GoBetween is the oh my fucking lord, the Ted Casablanca brigade out to make claims on the sexuality of a man they don't even know because they have to because Ted a fucking gossip columnist is their lord and savior. Only he is a two face liar who only wants to pander to them to get hits on his site. Oh the lame excuse that I am an American PR agent is laughable.
		Gee on Sun 13 January 2008 said... GoBetween is the oh my fucking lord, the Ted Casablanca brigade out to make claims on the sexuality of a man they don't even know because they have to because Ted a fucking gossip columnist is their lord and savior. Only he is a two face liar who only wants to pander to them to get hits on his site. Oh the lame excuse that I am an American PR agent is laughable.
		BustySinclair on Mon 14 January 2008 said... Never trust a beardy man, always hiding something, eg. thin lips, weak chin, acne scars, appetite for cock
		robbie22 on Mon 14 January 2008 said... Id do this hunky guy,hes very hairy
		GoBetween on Sun 06 April 2008 said... Gee, maybe you're not a PR flak but you're a raving twat nontheless. And he's still gay.