ROMANCE IS ALIVE AND WELL

Oh dear, the money really is running out for Jade Goody and the transparent sack of flesh she carries around on one arm who has the words 'Jack Tweed' printed on the back.

The pair, who have recently split up and re-united for some cash (the technical term is 'doing a Katona') have been hawking themselves around production companies with the idea that they could marry each other on live TV.

Perhaps not the best idea, seeing as last time they shared a live telly spot together Jack pulled himself off and came all over Jade's hind leg (bless, he didn't know about these magic 'see in the dark' cameras) before she came over all shouty and racialist on 'Celebrity Big Brother'.

Unsurprisingly, most companies have responded with a polite "Get out of my office, you know you're not allowed past reception," though a spokesman for the pair has claimed that at least one company is interested in running with the idea, perhaps just for the sheer fun of it, and to see if Jack can actually string the words 'I do' together before his brain explodes with the effort.