GOODY GRIEF

Big Brother racist and Mensa's smallest threat, Jade Goody, has had over £50,000 worth of jewels stolen from her Essex home. Whilst the police inquisitively poke around the nylon carpets and Harvey's sideboard for clues, the rest of civilisation is still amazed to learn that Argos make £50,000 worth of jewellery. How many MUM rings is that? You can bet your bottom dollar that one of the items was a mother and daughter pendant set.

Jade says that among items stolen were a Tiffany necklace and earring set - which I can only assume is from 1987 when 'I Think We're Alone Now' was topping the hit parade and these were given out in Smash Hits.

After hearing a noise upstairs, Jade says:

"I went to investigate with Batman, but there was no one there.”

Batman is the name of her dog, I shit you not.

A friend of Jade's went on to say:

"Her bedroom was a mess and there were muddy footprints everywhere.”

Come on! It's been like that for years! The burglars probably had a Swarfega bath when they got home!

Not entirely sure why, but this incident reminds me of Kerry Katona's burglary last year...