YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH

No wonder Jack Nicholson is always sporting that grin which makes him look smugger than a cat with a cream-flavoured rear end. He can chat up women by deliberately insulting them, safe in the knowledge they will still fall into his arms and then his bed. Because he's Jack Nicholson, and will undoubtedly (for the sake of this joke) stand at the end of the bed, waving a condom and leering, "Heeeeeere's Johnny!"

No, according to Jack the best way to charm a woman is to surprise them and catch them unawares. Not in a Jack the Ripper way but with the old silver-tongued verbals. It seems that Jack's approach never fails as he's still telling all and sundry that he might be in his seventies but there's room on the bedpost for a whole load more notches.

Anyway, for all tongue-tied males out there who fumble and stumble their way through an approach to a pretty lady, here, in Jack's words, is all you have to do.

"You walk up to someone you like and you're feeling relaxed, they think, "Oh, here comes the shark" and you say to them, "When did you get pregnant?" You will have somebody off balance after that particular line."

'Off balance' presumably being Jack-speak for 'horizontal'. So go on, chaps, give it a try. One warning though. This technique might work best if you are an internationally-famed, multi-millionaire actor. You could always try it in the local Ritzy's but chances are you won't end up in bed with a lady, you'll end up in casualty having your shattered teeth fished out of your gullet.