PLAY(ING THE FIELD)BOY

In stunning news, horny old goat Hugh Hefner has declared that he does not plan to marry, which is news to no one apart from his extremely disappointed 28-year-old girlfriend. Another shocker is that he has no plans to retire, preferring to go through the grim, daily grind of looking at naked women parading in front of him in a seemingly endless stream.

Pictures after the jump...

So no plans to marry the fantastically-named Holly Madison either, despite the fact that he has been dating her for two years?

"I love Holly very much and I think we're going to be together the rest of my life, but marriage isn't part of my puzzle. It's not a personal thing; I just haven’t had much luck with marriages," said Heffner, speaking at a Playmate of the Year luncheon, despite the fact a clearly unhappy Holly was sitting a few feet away.

Still, Holly later put on a brave face as she watched Heff's millions sail away from her in the blink of an eye (and two years gruelling work in the bedroom gone to waste).

"We are no closer to getting married than we were years ago. It's like a car stalled at the side of the road."

Erm, yes it's just like that. Except the car stays in the garage when you get home and doesn't start nuzzling at your neck in the middle of the night and asking if you have anything for Daddy…

Here some pictures of Hugh and his three girlfriends out and about on different occasions. But they all look so similar, we're surprised he can even tell which one's which. But we don't suppose that matters too much.