MAMMARY LOSS

There's an old adage, 'When in Rome... talk about your breasts', or something along those lines. So when Helena Bonham-Carter decided to talk to Playboy magazine for their January issue, it wasn't long before the issue of her breasts raised its milky head.

She fell pregnant whilst filming 'Sweeney Todd', directed by her husband Tim Burton, though her impregnation led to some sleepless nights for Burton, obviously before and after the moment of conception, as it caused mayhem with the continuity of the movie.

"Anyone who... pays attention to my breast size will see there's no continuity," she said modestly, seemingly unaware that those who stare at women's breasts in films are rarely concerned with such directorial issues. Or so I'm told.

"The first half of filming I wasn't pregnant, and the second half I was, and because we didn't shoot it in order, I start off with huge breasts and then I walk upstairs and suddenly I've got tangerines again. It's melons to tangerines."

Wow, that's quite a set of stairs. Perhaps Jordan might wish to invest in a set, having invested rather too much into her own set to date.