SUGAR KLUM

Suddenly, I have a lot of respect for model Heidi Klum, who has shown she has a magnificent sense of humour by her birthday present for Victoria Beckham. The notoriously thin singer is now the recipient of a dozen cupcakes from the Sprinkles bakery, and better still, Heidi will be sending her a dozen every week for the next year (or until Victoria gets the hint and buggers off back to Britain).

Of course, Heidi is claiming she's doing it to be nice, but we can all see the brilliant, malicious logic behind her present. It's like sending Superman a Kryptonite enema set every Friday.

The accompanying note read: "Happy Birthday - expect a dozen every Friday! Love, Heidi."

And if that doesn't sound like a threat then I don't know what does!

Bravo, Heidi. Much more subtle than a horse's head at the bottom of the bed, but still guaranteed, week by week to send Posh into insanity. The service is costing a reputed $2,000, so it's cheap at half the price, and if it works and Victoria moves back here, maybe we can all club together and see if Greggs the Bakers will do a similar arrangement every week with sausage rolls?