JUDGE NOT, LEST YE BE JUDGED YOURSELF…

Poor Heather Mills. So what's a girl to do when she finds she has to scrape by on £25m for the rest of her life? She goes out and she damn well gets some work, that's what she does, putting herself back in the shop window for a new aged multi-millionaire and earning a bit more cash in the process so that she can travel 'A' class forever.

Despite her heartbreak Heather has graciously accepted the invitation to be a judge in the Miss USA Pageant on April 11th.

Really, you'd think she'd had enough of judges at the moment, but she soldiers on, relishing the opportunity to judge others at last. And it gives her the opportunity to work with hosts Donny and Marie Osmond, which is a step up from some old bass player, I'm sure you'll agree.

Perhaps the mature and dignified Mills will take on the Sharon Osbourne role on the judging panel, dousing with water those judges who fail to share the same opinion as her. Well, it certainly worked in court the other day, didn't it?

Of course, Heather is the perfect woman to judge the contest after winning for five years running in the late 1990s and using it as a launching pad for her campaign to become President of Myanmar. I’m sure that’s in her CV somewhere…