Heather Mills has boasted to horrified students at Dublin's Trinity College about the time she made
Paris Hilton cry (out of her wonky eye), and also used the opportunity to brand all rich people "snobby and stingy". Who could she possibly mean?
The media-hating lunatic became quite irate after Paris was seen wearing furs, so she tracked her down and had a quiet and reasonable chat to the heiress.
Well almost. The not-so-subtle gold-digger played the socialite a film showing cats being drowned and dogs being skinned, causing Paris to burst into tears and for one fleeting moment causing me to feel sorry for her.
It's not like Paris was ever famous for wearing dogskin (having it - yes, wearing it - no). And she's an appalling human being, but I can't remember her ever holding a kitten over a sink with a look of steely-eyed determination on her face.
Anyway, the film had the desired effect, so Heather probably feels her cruelty to a defenceless animal was justified, like the scientists in 'A Clockwork Orange'.
"It turned out that she had the same breed of cat and she was in floods and floods of tears," cackled Heather.
"After she had used a box of tissues," (wow, that must be some sexy animal snuff footage) "she said, 'I'll never, ever wear fur again and I will hand all my fur over tomorrow,' and she did."
To my knowledge, Paris doesn't own a cow, a dolphin or a panda, and after Heather's intervention, if Paris appears in public wearing the pelt of any of these animals, I swear I will stand and applaud the fucker.