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THE 2012 OLYMPIC CEREMONY WILL INCLUDE...
ANNIE LENNOX AND M PEOPLE
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BINGE DRINKING AND BORIS JOHNSON IN A TURBAN
HEATHER MILLS MADE PARIS HILTON CRY OVER ANIMAL ABUSE

DARK SATANIC MILLS

HEATHER MILLS MADE PARIS HILTON CRY OVER ANIMAL ABUSE

heathergoaway
Heather Mills has boasted to horrified students at Dublin's Trinity College about the time she made Paris Hilton cry (out of her wonky eye), and also used the opportunity to brand all rich people "snobby and stingy". Who could she possibly mean?

The media-hating lunatic became quite irate after Paris was seen wearing furs, so she tracked her down and had a quiet and reasonable chat to the heiress.

Well almost. The not-so-subtle gold-digger played the socialite a film showing cats being drowned and dogs being skinned, causing Paris to burst into tears and for one fleeting moment causing me to feel sorry for her.

It's not like Paris was ever famous for wearing dogskin (having it - yes, wearing it - no). And she's an appalling human being, but I can't remember her ever holding a kitten over a sink with a look of steely-eyed determination on her face.

Anyway, the film had the desired effect, so Heather probably feels her cruelty to a defenceless animal was justified, like the scientists in 'A Clockwork Orange'.

"It turned out that she had the same breed of cat and she was in floods and floods of tears," cackled Heather.

"After she had used a box of tissues," (wow, that must be some sexy animal snuff footage) "she said, 'I'll never, ever wear fur again and I will hand all my fur over tomorrow,' and she did."

To my knowledge, Paris doesn't own a cow, a dolphin or a panda, and after Heather's intervention, if Paris appears in public wearing the pelt of any of these animals, I swear I will stand and applaud the fucker.

COMMENTS
bastardo on Fri 23 November 2007 said...
I wouldn't normally stoop to this... but in that picture she really does look like she's receiving an unexpected backdoor delivery.
AKABUSI on Fri 23 November 2007 said...
So it's okay to drink milk straight from a cat's nipple but drowning them's a no-no? I'd love to try this vege lark but it all sounds so complicated.
Freefall on Fri 23 November 2007 said...
thats me doing her that is
skummymummy on Fri 23 November 2007 said...
McShane, you have excelled yourself. You have actually managed to use the words 'quiet' and 'reasonable' in an article about peg-leg. Kudos to you.
Bunglist on Fri 23 November 2007 said...
i once went round heather mills house whilst burgling for charity and she had a pure ivory prosthetic leg with the old testament carved into it in pictoral form probably
CaptainCuntflaps on Fri 23 November 2007 said...
As she's branded all rich people as snobby and stingy I can't see her being awarded any of Sir Paul's millions as she has far too much integrity to be branded a hypocrite, doesn't she?
robbie22 on Sat 24 November 2007 said...
What is the point of this EGO on a stick.PLEASE TELL ME
Freefall on Sat 24 November 2007 said...
2 minutes after that photo ws taken; 3 arabs blew their load fucking all over her
dandyboy on Sat 24 November 2007 said...
Looks like a melting leftover prosthetic head from Duran Duran's Wild Boys video...
dontlikeyoucuzyrnotlikeme on Thu 29 November 2007 said...
i dont get it... the article says she showed her a film of animal cruelty and then there is a statement that "Heather probably feels her cruelty to a defenceless animal was justified"....that makes no sense, she didn't hurt any animals. And good fucking job she got one more rich brat to stop wearing dead animals' skin!!!
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