NO KNEE TREMBLER

Despite reports in newspapers to the contrary, Heather Mills and her scary spokeswoman have denied that the gold-digger is planning to write a sex manual showing how average-looking models can become multi-millionaires over the course of a few short years merely by lying back and spreading it.

Heather is already an author, having published a brilliantly-titled book in 2006 called 'Life Balance': (and if anyone should know about balance it's Heather) 'The Essential Keys To A Lifetime Of Wellbeing'. Presumably one of those 'keys' is to marry a Beatle, so Ringo had better watch his back.

Sadly, there is no new book planned as of course Heather is far too busy with her charity work to contemplate such a thing. I for one had no idea that Heather was involved in charity work. She keeps so quiet about the whole thing. Or as her publicist puts it:

"Right now she is counselling cancer children in the US and trying to facilitate a bone marrow transplant to a young mother so that this mother can live. That is the story of her life." Ouch. That's us told then.

And next week she will be piloting a spaceship full of explosives into the heart of a meteor which is threatening to hit Earth, so let's make the most of her while we can.