A RIGHT TALE

Wayne Scott is the sad little man who attempted to cash in on the death of Heath Ledger by pretending to be the dead actor's father. Somehow he managed to get the phone numbers of John Travolta and Tom Cruise (perhaps there's a Yellow Pages for Scientology) and ring them up, asking pathetically for money so he could attend his 'son's' funeral.

Obviously, if he had any sense of self-worth he would have locked himself away in a small box or asked a passing bricklayer to incorporate his torso into a cavity wall, but Scott shows no sign of remorse. And why should he feel ashamed? He's pulled out the greatest excuse from 'The Big Book Of Lies For Really Rubbish Liars'.

"I can't talk about the Heath Ledger thing. I don't remember doing it. It may not have been me. I'm not apologising for something I can't remember doing."

Fair enough though, it's not a defence that Jeffrey Dahmer, Peter Sutcliffe or Mr and Mrs West would ever have had the cheek to contemplate using at trial.

One thing Scott did remember was phoning up Everton FC and Manchester United asking for free tickets for football matches. This recollection came at his criminal trial last week, when he also recalled pretending to be the US wrestler The Rock in order to get tickets to football matches. Odd how the memory works, isn't it?