MR PITIFUL

There was a time Eurovision had some good songs ('Puppet On A String', 'Waterloo'); then some naff songs ('Save All Your Kisses For Me', 'Making Your Mind Up'); then it became a joke (Jemini, Lordi); and now it's gone beyond even that.

The British contenders this year are all losers, failures and has-beens - Justin Hawkins being all three. Scooch and Big Brovaz fall into the "who were they again?" category, and the most pathetic of all is the ecstasy dustbin that is Brian Harvey.

Have you ever heard anything with as much desperation for another sniff of the limelight as this? "I know some people have been slagging off Eurovision, but any audience is an audience for me."

Do yourself a favour Harvey, give it up and go get a job with some scaffolders (no offence to scaffolders intended).

Btw, the Scooch track sounds like a bag of kittens being pounded with a jackhammer.