TANTRIC ADVICE

Where do you go when you're the far less famous half of a celebrity couple that many people seem to dislike? Well if you're Guy Ritchie you go and visit Trudie 'Mrs Sting' Styler, who must be more than used to putting up with whining men as she's been married to Sting for 25 years.

Let's just hope that Trudie isn't advising that Guy to spice up his sex life with a three day Tantric love session. Just imagine Madge's rictus smile as Guy pumped away at her creaking frame for hour after hour. *Shudders*

Guy has been staying with Sting and Trudie at their Wiltshire estate and was spotted having a heart to heart with Trudie in the local pub.

But it's only fair that Trudie bears the brunt of Guy's whimperings - it was, after all, at her house that Guy and Madge met in 1998, two years before they wed.

In other Guy news, his down-to-earth working class cockney aristocratic mother, Lady Amber Leighton, has defended her son saying the couple have no intention of splitting.

The 62-year-old said: "It is absolute rubbish, worse than that. Guy will be furious at me talking to you, but I feel I can't just let these reports go unanswered as they make me so angry and they are hurtful intrusions into their private lives.

"They are no different to most other couples and we all know that being together can be hard sometimes and marriages are not always a bed of roses.

 "But like other couples they work at keeping their relationship happy and fresh and they are a close and loving couple who have a family to bring up."

She added: "Madonna is in New York at the moment finishing off a tour and he will join her there after the weekend. That is not a couple splitting up. I'll say it one more time, they are not getting divorced; the speculation is TT - that's total tosh."

Brilliantly posh language. Now why doesn't Guy keep it real and have some of that sort of talk in his films instead of the usual mockney rubbish?