BRAT BOOKS

Geri Halliwell is back, having written some more children's books, though it's likely she wrote them for adults and a kindly editor decided to put some pictures in and pass them off as being deliberately written for those with small but developing brains (by which I mean children and Spice Girls). And the books are fascinating, featuring the little heroine Ugenia Lavender.

So Geri decided to talk about the creative process, and how it allows her to write in a different voice, occupying a personality she would otherwise never be able to access. Are you reading this, Ian McEwan? This is how you do fiction, you loser!

"One of the things I liked about writing the books was that it was almost like I got to exercise that brat-child that I am not allowed to be in real life."

I am saying nothing at this point.

"All the things I can't do in real life - like sulking or stamping my feet or being rude to someone - Ugenia can do in the book."

Nope. Still can't comment yet, though the words 'Diva' and 'hypocrisy' do seem to be whirling around my head at the moment. Geri's chattering continued, surprisingly going on to namecheck the Spice Girls, as though the group's success had anything to do with her being given a publishing contract.

"I wrote these books before I had any inclination that the Spice Girls reunion would ever happen, and part of the motivation for creating this character was that I wanted to find a new medium for Girl Power. Ugenia is like all the Spice Girls rolled into one."

All the Spice Girls rolled into one? That's something I'd pay to see - a 40-stone ball of flesh that couldn't sing or dance. A bit like Geri circa 1996, come to think of it.