BIG WRONG, ATKINSON

One of the strangest relationships that bothered the tabloids in the summer was that of ex-Hollyoaks 'star' Gemma Atkinson and Manchester United footballer Cristiano Ronaldo. Strange in the sense that she was constantly in the papers bragging about how close they were, and strange in that he never actually acknowledged they were even speaking.

They were certainly photographed together at least twice, probably on the way into his house and again when he walked her to the taxi rank after getting what he wanted. You know that look on a striker's face when his team is 8-0 down and he scores a goal? You've scored but you'd look stupid to celebrate.

That's probably how Cristiano felt when he woke up next to the failed actress with the pumped-up mammaries.

Gemma even appeared as a 'Soccerette' on Soccer AM on FA Cup Final day, and was coy about revealing any details about her 'relationship' with the footballer, almost as though she had met him once and slept with him on the same night, though she did utter the immortal line, "He's lucky to have me!"

Well, now she's sent him packing after recent tabloid revelations that he 'cheated' on her with a gaggle of prostitutes. Gemma is sad, but finally prepared to be frank about the length and depth of their 'relationship'.

"He didn't dump me but I didn't dump him - it just sort of ended."

Yes, it just ended when the taxi driver turned up and Ronaldo refused to answer her desperate calls, more like.