IT'S QUITE UNUSUAL

Pasty-faced mistress of the underworld Elvira (also known by the less glamorous name of Cassandra Peterson) has finally answered the question the whole world was asking – 'Who are you and to whom did you lose your virginity?'

No idea about the first one, but the answer to the second part of the question is a resounding 'Tom Jones', the leather faced warbler from the valleys with the Velcro hair. And not only did Tom put it in and jiggle it around a bit, he nearly spoiled Elvira for men altogether as his (ahem) manhood was so huge that the lady in question required two stitches afterwards in her 'Delilah'. It's a surprise she ever went near a cock again.

Actually, as Elvira tells Blender Magazine, it was quite a sweet and tender moment. Or maybe not.

"Tom seemed gentlemanly and nice, so when he was jumping on me... I thought, 'Well, if I'm ever gonna do this, it might as well be with Tom Jones.' It was painful and horrible."

Painful and horrible. Isn't that everyone's first experience of sex? Well there was no chance for the pair to form a longer relationship as Tom was soon busy inching his 'World of Leather' face towards someone else.

"I went backstage to see him the next night, but he was with his two background singers... and was all over them. I was disgusted."

And now we all are. Thanks, Elvira, for giving is all a little bit of sick in our mouths.