WHO WAS ON JAMIE'S GRASSY KNOLL?

As conspiracy theories go, this is right up there with the assassination of JFK, but this time the poor patsy taking the fall for a series of well-aimed shots isn't Lee Harvey Oswald, it's Casey Aldridge, the 19-year-old who has admitted to impregnating Britney's almost-jailbait little sister, Jamie Lynn Spears.

Now Star magazine has alleged that the real father is a much older TV executive who worked with Spears on her show 'Zoey 101'. So much older in fact that he would face a massive fine and possibly prison time, hence 'Yuck yuck, look at me ah'm fay-mus!' Aldridge shuffling forward with his hands in his dungarees and taking the rap for forgetting the cap. Luckily, the magazine has managed to get hold of a shadowy insider who knows the full story and has spilled the beans.

"Casey is being paid off to be the family's fall guy while the real father remains unidentified," whispered the source, salivating and making jerking movements inside his raincoat, "The man many suspect is the father, however, would face charges and probably prison time if he were to come forward and admit he had sex with her."

I just hope Oliver Stone is keeping track of this, because it’d make quite a movie ("Back and to the left, now up a bit... There, that's the spot!").