MUM'S THE WEIRD

Some organisation called 'Mingling Mom's' (and that's not a typo) has declared that Lindsay Lohan's mother Dinah is one of Long Island's top 20 mothers. This begs the questions – are 'Mingling Mom's' deranged or are there really only 20 mothers in the whole of Long Island?

As it turns out, Dinah doesn't actually live in Long Island, but what the hell? She's heard of the place, and that's good enough for 'MM' to put her on the list, along with Billy Joel's mum, Mariah Carey's mum and any other mother who happens to have a famous offspring. A representative for the organisation coo-ed...

"We're just honouring celebrity moms on Long Island. It's something for Mother's Day. It's a list of mothers from Long Island who have raised superstar children."

So, the woman who sat back and watched her daughter almost implode from drugs and drink, and who is now whoring her other (14-year-old) daughter in front of reality TV cameras now has this award to put on her mantelpiece. Hopefully the gong is a large, vulgar, golden affair sporting the words 'I AM A PUSHY MOM AND I LIVE MY LIFE VICARIOUSLY THROUGH MY CHILDREN, HOPING THEY CAN BE TALENTED IN WAYS THAT WERE BEYOND ME.'

Or maybe it's a nice vase, or something.