TEEING HOFF

The divorce battle between David Hasselhoff and his ex-wife Pamela has turned serious as the pair are now arguing over their two most precious possessions. No, not the children: the motorcycle and the family golf buggy.

The Los Angeles County Courthouse was silent yesterday as both parties made their submissions as to why each should be allowed to retain these luxury lee-sure products.

Poor David was so upset by the idea of losing the items that he actually failed to turn up to court, instead relying on his brave attorneys to put his case across. The steely-eyed Pamela was taking no chances, turning up to court and citing in person how the removal of such luxuries would damage her golf handicap, which presumably was achieved at 80 mph.

Latest news is that David has finally won possession of the motorbike, while the family golf cart is still up for grabs, but the Hoff is fighting hard for the vehicle, which might just have a turbo boost, an inbuilt tee dispenser and an electronic caddy that gives advice on distance to the hole and the wind direction. Though when asked to polish the owner's balls it's bound to say "I don't think you should do that Michael," before phoning the police and asking for a breath test to be performed.