PRAWN BALLS

It's clear that David Beckham will allow his name to be used in conjunction with any advertising opportunity, as long as the money is right. He’s sold pens, Pepsi and it wouldn't surprise me if he launched his own global brand of Ninja assassin schools (naturally with reduced rates for inner-city children).

Now he is the public face of Go3, a vitamin substitute made from fish oil, which is reportedly having a rather alarming effect on his breath, making it smell like a spinster's fingers. Or so Star magazine claim anyway:

"Becks is the spokesperson for Go3 — he even appears on the box — so he has to take it despite the consequences."

Damn those millions of dollars worth of consequences. It's not like Victoria will notice as her pout has developed to such an alarming extent that the only thing she can smell is her own lip-gloss these days. But David actually likes the stuff, you see.

“He really believes in the product. He says it gives him more energy."

He'll be needing that energy to be brushing his teeth for forty minutes every morning and evening.