MAN MARKER

Brand Beckham's attempt to Hoover up all of the money in the world took another step forward yesterday when US firm Newell Rubbermaid (and no, I'm not making this up) signed David to be the new 'face' of the Sharpie. The what? The Sharpie, that's what! It's a pen. An inexpensive pen. And David is well-known for his penmanship, isn't he?

Somehow the company have missed the utter irony in David Beckham being signed to promote a pen (particularly one with such a name), an action tantamount to throwing a laptop to a frog and telling it to go out and sell some product. But no, the company's advertising genii have declared that they intend the Sharpie to be the country's "preferred autograph marker".

The campaign will also concentrate on the marker's many other uses, such as getting the wax out of David's ears, and hopefully the ink is erasable so they can show David rubbing out his errors after writing 'Hello my name is David' onto a computer screen.

Howard Heckes, Sharpie's Business President, issued a statement that is about as pompous as it comes. Ready?

"Like the Sharpie brand, David embodies individuality and creative expression. He is the rare athlete who transcends nationality and sport to command worldwide attention, making him the perfect ambassador for Sharpie marker users who are as passionate about the bold mark of a Sharpie as they are about the colors, variety and almost limitless uses of the product."

Functional, pretty but inevitably disposable. Yes, that neatly sums up both David Beckham and a marker pen.