Pot Calls Kettle Black

Either Danielle Lloyd has a memory like a goldfish, or the surgeons in her recent tit-lift operation replaced her breasts with both hemispheres of her wizzened, spite-filled brain.

The racist Scouse talent vacuum has been casting her eye over the housemates in the latest Big Brother and she doesn't like what she sees. Especially that black one!

Yes, it's Charley that gets special attention from Lloyd. I still can't decide whether she's taking the piss here or if she actually means the incredibly stupid words that dribbled from her eminently-squeezable throat.

"She's just downgrading herself by saying she wants to go out with a footballer," says the woman who was dumped by Teddy Sheringham after he woke up to her Ku Klux Klan tendencies. And it doesn't end there, as she bravely decided to comment on the racism row that saw Emily "there's a new music that's taking over our country, and it's called indie" Parr evicted.

"I think they were right to chuck her out of the house," adds Lloyd. "It's good to see they took action this time. If someone had used a racist comment while we were in the house, they should have been thrown out, too." What. The. Fuck? Lloyd must have the self-awareness of a crisp packet.

But why is she picking on Charley when the pair were snapped leaving a club together earlier this year? "All I can assume is she jumped in the picture when I was leaving," Lloyd squirms, forgetting that her ex and Charley's cousin are friends and ex team-mates. Sheer fucking brass neck or what?

And, while we're on subject of this hideous creature, would someone like to tell me why the one member of the Celebrity Big Brother coven who, echoing the cries of the BNP and NF before them, wished Shipa Shetty would "Fuck off back home," is still being invited to parties, launches and premieres?