QUANTUM GRUMP

Happy-go-lucky actor Daniel Craig, the most current and most miserable of all actors to play James Bond, (quite an accolade if you remember Timothy Dalton) has denied the rumours that Amy Winehouse will be recording the theme tune to the next Bond film.

It has been reported that the huge-haired singer was a certainty to record the title track for 'Bond 22', now officially named 'Quantum of Solace' which makes it sound like a Hull University student band from 1985.

Well, Bond himself has rubbished these rumours, and he'd know better than anyone, being an actor on the payroll rather than a producer, or someone involved with scoring the film.

"Why is everyone ramming Amy Winehouse out?" he asked MTV, who must have been worried by his choice of verb, "Everyone's speculating about it but we've got other things to deal with - there's no point in writing the song for a movie when we haven't got a movie," he giggled with his normal light-hearted bonhomie.

I kind of get the feeling that Daniel thinks that Amy, with her superb voice and troubled private life, perhaps isn't enough of a master to sing over the credits of a movie which he feels will surpass 'Citizen Kane' in terms of grandeur and cinematic importance.

Maybe he's forgetting it's a Bond film, which means that despite any high ideas of art there will be, at some point, a woman walking into a scene whose name is a euphemism for a vagina. Probably Cloretta Tumpsy, or the like.

This isn't high art, Daniel. Get over it. Can you imagine Timothy Dalton getting all sniffy over A-Ha doing the theme tune for 'The Living Daylights'?

Oh, hang on, you can, actually...