Clothes hangers threatened with extinction

Like a bitter ex-boxer, Claudia Schiffer has mooched into view complaining about the declining standards of models, pointing out that it was all swans and caviar around here when she was a girl and that no one ponces around in a posh frock as well as her generation did.

Schiffer believes that the growing number of actresses and pop stars muscling in on the scene means that no model can have the global exposure that she had in her heyday.

"The advertising industry is very much taken nowadays by pop stars and actresses. Supermodels, like we once were, don't exist any more," Schiffer told German magazine FiveToNine, as if lamenting the extinction of a valued species instead of a collection of rattling bags of calcium with shoulders huge enough to carry those ridiculous designs.

Never mind, dear. Have a nice cup of cocoa and then off to sleepy bo-bo-land on your diamond-encrusted Stannah. There's lovely.