SEX AND WRY

Giggling ray of sunshine Chris Martin has been gently moaning to Rolling Stone magazine about his lack of success with the ladies. Perhaps getting married to a woman called Gwyneth didn't help. If he'd hung on for a while there might have been a tasty Doreen or Joyce along to ease his angst. And we should all be grateful, because without such heartbreak he wouldn't be able to write such beautiful songs. Oh, hang on...

Warning. Despite the fact that the man is a multi, milti-millionaire with an Oscar-winning wife and beautiful children, there may be some severe whining coming up.

"I had a tricky time with girls until I was, like, 21. I got trapped in the friendship tip many, many times. It was like, 'I need to be a rock star because this is no good: Being the kind of guy that everybody likes but no one wants to have sex with.'"

Yes, that old problem that the non-rock stars of the world attempt to battle by developing something called personality. He should try it sometime. Oh wait, that low drone continues.

"You've got to be hungry. If your wife went out with Brad Pitt, you'd want to prove yourself, you know what I mean?"

I know what you mean, and the reason for your sad voice and miserable face, you poor replacement. Like a wasp trapped in a shop window, Chris's incessant whining buzzing continued...

"I don't want to be the person that makes everybody laugh before they go off and bang. I want to be the guy that everybody bangs."

So there's the world exclusive. Chris Martin doesn't want to be the person that makes everyone laugh. He's certainly sticking to his guns on that point.

Here he is showing just why the girls didn't go for him at 15.