WE ARE FEELING VERY SLEEPY...

Chris Martin, the sour-faced 'Spider from Coronation Street' lookalike who has been bothering our ears for many years as singer of Coldplay has been speaking to Q magazine, which sounds like a marriage made in dull muso heaven. Thrillingly, he revealed that he feels under pressure to create another hit album, so enlisted the services of a hypnotist to help with the recording process, though perhaps a songwriter or someone passing with a bag full of jolly tunes might have been a better bet.

It was always pretty obvious that he was under some sort of mind control, having named his children 'Apple' and 'Moses' and now we know for sure that it was an evil hypnotist who made him do such things. Anyway, evil or not, the hypnotist helped shape new album 'Prospekt' into the shimmering wave of beige that it is sure to be.

"We feel like we have so much to prove and so many ideas that we'd like to try - sometimes you need a hypnotist to give you the bravery to do it," said Chris sagely, propping his ego against a retaining wall for safety, "It was fun and interesting and we wrote some nice things as a result of it."

Nice things. I'll bet. Superb plan, though. Now all Chris needs is an army of hypnotists across the globe to convince all right thinking people to buy the melancholic dirge.