WHEN THE HELL DID I GET TAT?

Charlie Sheen - you've just gotta love him. The week after he produced one of the most entertaining and abusive e-mails around, including insults against his ex-wife (Denise Richards) and her "bald mother" (who was undergoing cancer treatment) he has now vowed to have his tattoos removed as he frankly doesn't have a clue how a lot of them got there.

Charlie has told his fiancée, Brooke Mueller, that the tattoo removal is a gesture of love towards her. Already he has had the name of his ex-wife removed from his left wrist by laser, though it's likely he'd much rather use a laser on the woman herself.

So now he is left with a collection of inkings and virtually no idea of their meaning, a testament to some serious drinking. Why else would someone have a dragon in glasses on his ankle, or a letter 'D' with a set of wings? My personal favourite is the tattooed wooden sign with the words 'Back In 15 Minutes' affixed to his chest with a tattooed nail under what used to be his heart. At least Charlie can explain this one...

"That one was meant to be an ashtray but went horribly wrong. I can't even remember the year I got it."

Oh yes, he must have been gutted when that perennial tattoo favourite, the ashtray, didn't quite work out as planned. Dammit! I bet that coal scuttle on his back and the gearbox of a Mini Cooper on his inside thigh just look ridiculous now.