LIKE A VIRGIN

Chantelle Houghton, who is rapidly morphing into Jordan with the added skin tone of Jodie Marsh, has spoken out about her recent boob job (just before the cogs in her brain managed to whir into action) to unleash a comment that has left us somewhat puzzled.

Chantelle spoke to OK! magazine (while lathering on the fake tan and turning into a human-sized satsuma) to announce the following:

"I think my breasts are in proportion with the rest of my body. It will be weird for another man to see them."

She carries on talking about how if she and her new boobs were in an equation, it would equal a new Chantelle, until out of nowhere, she suddenly says,

"I feel like a born-again virgin."

Now as we were a bit confused by what exactly she meant by this, we decided to pick up the phone and call psychiatrist Phillip Hodson (formerly Going Live's resident shrink!) to get a professional opinion.

Even though he was almost as confused as we were, he posed a few questions:

"Does that mean she doesn't want to have sex any more?"

We disagreed.

He went on:

"Perhaps she's feeling so refreshed and sexy like she's never done it before, like it's a whole new world? She's feeling anxious as well, whether people will relate to her chest or her, or will they make her feel self conscious as virgins allegedly do.

"Chantelle, by looking like Jordan version three, is not going to be able to play the fluffy little girl she played before, she has to play psychological catch up if you like and it may well be a mistake for her. It would be certainly such a big change that she would feel self conscious taking her clothes off and there are men out there that regard you as just a bottom or a pair of breats and ignore the you inside. It could well be part of the unintended consequence of having the operation."

So there you have it.

She's an idiot. Or whatever he said.