BIG EAR BOTHERER

Watch out Rebecca Loos, you may just have a rival competing for 'worst single ever made by most desperate person in the world' ever title. Chanelle (not Chantelle) from Big Brother is about to release her debut single with Ben from Phats and Small (the poor bastard who goes out with Vanessa Feltz and has therefore has seen her naked).

Chanelle, who's almost all forehead and seemingly made of plastic, was at a charity do last night clutching her demo CD and, frankly, we're surprised she wasn't ambushed for it.

Apparently she describes it as 'funky house', a term we had hoped had died in the early nineties, but unfortunately not. And who knows more about music than Chanelle? Apart from everybody, obviously.

Chanelle said:

"It's sexy for the boys and then feministic for the girls."

Feministic? Has Chanelle just made that up? And is that her take on 'feminism'? Because we don't think feminisim and being sexy for the boys really go that well together. Unless she meant 'unfeministic'. Or slutty.

Some seriously deluded source said:

"She’s the same size as Kylie Minogue and has got some moves on the dance floor – she’ll be a perfect pop star."

Clearly, height is now the main requirement of being a pop star. Talent? Songs? Pah, who need them. Now the only remaining ingredient needed for a delicious cunt soup is Ziggy to come along for a duet on 'Especially For You'.