HANDS OFF BEST!

Following hot on the heels of Lisa Scott Lee and Jodie Marsh, the next in line for the MTV 'Totally' treatment is the world's most pointless man - Calum Best.

The twist in this series is that Calum, a man whose only purpose up to now has been to screw as any women as possible (Lindsay Lohan can count herself among the lucky hundreds) is taking a 50 day vow of abstinence. And yes - that includes wanking...

He'll be taking lie detector tests to prove to TV bosses that he hasn't been choking the chicken and keeping his willy out of front bottoms in an attempt to prove to the world that there is more to him than boning ropey women.

Problem is - that's all he's good at. This Buddhist-like zen he'll reach will have more to do with having balls the size of spacehoppers than any kind of personality revelation!

The prize/forfeit is going to be decided by his mates. Now I'm no detective, but I'm guessing the prize after 50 days of no sex or wanking may take the shape of a pair of breasticles...

He's going to go out with a bang though - he's having a sending off party next Tuesday in London. The invite list is pretty tight - plenty of women may struggle to get in, but i'm sure they'll be able to take it on the chin - so to speak.