A CAR CRASH NAMED 'MISS DIRE'

The Daily Star have reported on a story that if not completely untrue, totally beggars the imagination. Britney Spears may soon be able to use that rubbish English accent in the Starbucks and Burger Kings of Olde London town very soon, because if reports are to be believed she is being lined up to tread the boards of a London theatre.

Yes, the plans are to thrust Britney blinking and unravelling onto the stage and demand that she play the role of Blanche DuBois in 'A Streetcar Named Desire'.

If you listen very closely you may just be able to make out the sound of Tennessee Williams revolving in his grave faster than a jet engine with smoke pouring from the earth.

You see, Britney was such a hit in her recent (eight minute) sitcom appearance that she would naturally be perfect for such a demanding theatrical role, a source said:

“Her appearance in the American TV show How I Met You Mother changed all that. She had poise, timing and real flair. We wanted her for Blanche because, even though she’s technically too young to play her, who else could embody this fallen Southern Belle so well?”

Erm, someone in their forties or fifties perhaps? And the character of Blanche DuBois is a washed-up former beauty with an over-inflated sense of her own importance fuelled by her rampant alcoholism. What could Britney possibly bring to this role?