NIGHT OF THE LIVID FED

Britney Spears has launched an emergency court motion asking that she be allowed access to her children at night, perhaps because the pizza shop only delivers between 6pm and 2am and otherwise she wouldn’t be able to feed them.

Quite why she has suddenly launched this action is a mystery and makes her look like a drunken needy vampire. Mark Vincent Kaplan, K-Fed’s lawyer was also mystified, pointing out quite reasonably, "I don't see any emergency or any new facts. We are going to oppose this."

Especially as the motion comes on the day that America's OK! Magazine revealed exactly what the Mother Teresa of Maryland got up to immediately after learning she had lost custody of little Hayseed and Cougarloop. Well, what would you do on learning that your children were being taken away from you?

She booked into a hotel, paid a friend $1000 to ‘get some DVDs’ and then held a massive party in her room. When a guest sympathised with the loss of her children, Britney is reported to have said,

"I don't give a shit anymore. I never wanted them in the first place." The magazine also alleges that she drank until 3am the night before her first custody visit, meaning that when the boys arrived to see their real momma, no-one was awake enough to answer the door.

Aww! Fair warms the cockles, doesn’t it? Anyway, well done to Britney! She has been successful in her application, which means that her kids can meet their several new ‘uncles’ that have joined the family since the divorce.