ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS MY TWO FRONT TEETH

Congratulations to Britney Spears who has been given her ideal present for Christmas - something to keep that damn babysitter busy. Yes, a judge has decided that Britney should be allowed to 'look after' her children over the Christmas period, meaning that little Cletus Corncob and Jayden Moonshine will have the honour of seeing their mother on Christmas morning. Probably lying next to their cots in a stupor.

Despite the fact that Britney's barely-human ex, Kevin Federline, is their legal guardian, a judge took the view that the kiddies would be fine with their mother over the festive season.

After all, it's nearly three days since the last time she drove through a red light with them in the back of the car, screaming and clutching at the roof-rack as she promised them they could ride inside next time if they were good.

So Britney gets Christmas, Kevin gets them for New Year and it'll have to be a random stranger plucked off the street for Easter as Michael Jackson may be touring with his brothers at the time. I'm sure the kids will enjoy their traditional poultry dinner on Christmas Day.

A family bucket from KFC and all the cola they can drink. Merry Christmas, rotten-toothed toddlers!