TEXT TALES

Well, it certainly looks as though it's all over between Britney Spears and photographer Adnan Ghalib, the Birmingham-born charmer who stole her heart and then probably most of her personal details and a fair part of her knicker collection. It is rumoured that he is now in the process of selling the text messages that she sent to him during the course of their relationship.

Oddly enough, various items will be for sale through his photographic agency FinalPixx, and Adnan is planning to cash in further on the tortured life of a mentally-ill woman by appearing on a chat show in the US to spill the beans on their relationship. He claims that he isn't being paid for this interview, so what a trooper!

British men have a reputation in the US for being charmers, a reputation which will be in tatters after this excuse of a man has finished cashing in on the biggest payday of his life.

"He's getting paid a lot. And his interview will be stretched out over several days," said a source, who preferred to remain anonymous as they probably don't exist. One text message that Adnan is very excited about says that Britney misses him and wants to give up the pop life and train as a teacher. She must really be desperate!

Here's hoping that Adnan's messed-up transatlantic accent leaves Americans scratching their heads and saying, "I thought this guy spoke English!", or commenting on his bizarre facial topiary. And here's further hoping that Britney's text outpourings are as unintelligable as the rest of her attempts to communicate with the outside world.

No doubt Britney's latest texts to him will be along the lines of 'URA CNT'.