COOKING THE BOOKS

Good old Jamie Spears appears to be doing a wonderful job keeping his daughter Britney on the straight and narrow these days (as long as you don't mention the fact that she went on holiday with Mel Gibson, Sugartits). Why wouldn't he? He loves his daughter and wants the best for her, so keeping an eye out for his child is a small price to pay. Britney's well-being is his greatest reward.

Well, that and the fact that he's getting $10,000 a month for telling her to go to her room and wear knickers when she goes out. Here's a great offer, Britney, I'll do the same job for $5,000 per month and expenses. To be fair, you do have to take into account the fact that Jamie gave up his high-flying job in order to look after his daughter.

His job as a 'private chef'. Or what some people might call a 'cook' (great, another self-important, rich cook called Jamie). So he has managed to get his monthly stipend back-paid to cover any loss of earnings due to acting like a normal father. The court papers say:

"He has been unable to continue to his prior employment and he has lost his source of income which he needs to pay his living expenses."

Looking after Britney must be a welcome departure from his usual daily grind of working with puddings and sweating vegetables.