Bin Laden's target number one

It's good to know that some things never change - like Bobby Brown's permanent state of crazed delusion.

Brown is still utterly convinced that Osama bin Laden has him on a hitlist; a paranoia that developed after a woman claiming to be one of the al-Qaeda leader's ex-mistresses said as much, because bin Laden "wanted to make Whitney Houston one of his wives".

Ignoring the fact that one of the symptoms of crack addiction is paranoid delusions, Brown upped his security during a current Australian tour, saying: "I figure if bin Laden wants me, and everybody is looking for him, it probably won't happen."

Things arent really going well for Brown down under though, in more ways than one.

Ticket sales have been poor and those attending haven't been shy in laughing at the sad old fool. One newspaper review told of how the singer took off his shirt at a show "unveiling his sweaty, abdominally challenged torso [and mysteriously wet crotch]". The audience screamed with laughter, but fell embarrassingly silent when he tried to get them to do a call and response.

As Brown discovered, One Can't Play That Game. Sorry.