RAT BY NAME

How time flies. It's ten years this month since Michael Hutchence locked the door to his hotel room, tied a cord around his neck and tugged himself to oblivion. And how is Saintly Bob Geldof planning to mark the anniversary of his death? By formally adopting the dead rocker's daughter and changing her surname to Geldof. How thoughtful.

Bob has been the guardian of 11-year-old Heavenly Hirani Tiger Lily Hutchence since 2000, the year Heavenly's mother Paula Yates boarded the heroin train to meet up with Michael, and he takes his parental responsibilities seriously - as one look at the balanced and well-behaved Peaches will confirm. He truly is the greatest father in the world.

One person not impressed with Bob's behaviour is Tina Hutchence, Michael's sister, who has revealed some home truths to rattle the illusion that Bob is a saint, making him look more like... well, a bit of a twat actually.

"None of the rest of us have seen Tiger, only my mother, and that was with the nanny. In seven years he's given my mother just four days of supervised visits," she told Australian magazine New Idea, before saving the best for last.

"And the interesting thing is Bob Geldof is patron of a charity called Grandparents Apart - a charity for grandparents who don't get to see their grandchildren."

Interesting indeed. I used to think Bob was nothing more than a flea-ridden bundle of depression and ego. How enlightening to find out he's an utter hypocrite as well.