I DON'T LIKE PUN-DAYS

In what appears to be a bizarre instance of life imitating the plotline of a 'Father Ted' episode, the people of Ireland have voted to be represented at the Eurovision Song Contest by a gaudy puppet of a turkey called Dustin. That should ensure there's no costly show for Dublin to host as winners next year, anyway. The great and the good have spoken out about the Irish public's bizarre phone vote, as has Bob Geldof who is displaying a hilarious side never before glimpsed.

Honestly, just look at the quality of the punnage Sir Bob is trotting out here! All those years we thought he was a miserable bastard when in fact he turns out to be a miserable bastard with a rubbish sense of humour.

"It would be rank 'poultryism' should one of the greatest talents Ireland has ever produced be not allowed to represent our glorious musical heritage," said Bob (and I have no idea what he means by 'poultryism' either).

"If the Eurovision Song Contest is known for anything at all, it is for the vast number of turkeys it produces each year. The fact that Dustin is a turkey should give Ireland the edge. Ireland will gobble them up."

Turkey. It's another name for a dud. Gobble. Fetch the twine, and plenty of it, for these sides need some serious stitching. Seriously, Bob, stick to the narky old twat act, it suits you better.

If you're interested (and who could fail to be curious after such a thrilling testimony from Bob?) here's a clip of Dustin. Of course, the whole thing is totally fucking mental, but I still have a sneaking suspicion he'll finish well above the entry from the UK on May 20 in Belgrade. As usual.