HIGH SCHOOL REUNION?

Billy Bob Thornton, the man with a face like a set of tramp's trousers, has declared that by dating Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie is just going through a "high school phase". Presumably when she was married to this balding bag of calcium she was going through a "mortuary phase".

Billy Bob, in an interview promoting his new album (don't all rush at once, there's plenty for everyone – really) may have been attempting humour. Well, he does look like the life and soul of the party, doesn't he? (Rumours suggest that he may have had to take happy pills in order to cheer him up for his 'Monster's Ball' role).

"She is just going through a high school phase. You know dating the quarterback of the football team with Brad Pitt over there. She'll be waking up from that dream in no time."

No, I don't detect a single note of bitterness there. But when she wakes up, realises that life and children with Brad was all a huge mistake and all she really wants is a creaky, stinky old skeleton to wrap her arms around, Billy (Gasp!) might not be there.

"Who knows if I'll be there when she's ready to come to her senses though?"

Where might he be when the day comes that Angelina tires of Brad? My money's on him either being in a rest home or a lovely, comfy coffin. Either way he'll look cheerier than he does now.