'BAND REUNION FAILED WITHOUT ME' CLAIMS KERRY KATONA

TALKING THROUGH HER HOLE AGAIN

Published on Wed 27 February 2008 by IanMcShane

'BAND REUNION FAILED WITHOUT ME' CLAIMS KERRY KATONA

Some questions have concerned the minds of great thinkers throughout history. Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets? Did Adam have a navel? And why did the last Atomic Kitten single only get to number 77 in the charts? Thankfully, Kerry Katona can answer the last question. The band failed in their comeback because she wasn't involved. That's the sound of a million foreheads being slapped nationwide and people exclaiming, "Of course! What was I thinking!"

Kerry ambled up to Now! magazine and asked if they could spare a few quid in exchange for her opinions on something. Or anything, really. Sadly they agreed, so Kerry turned that massive mind and cud-chewing mouth to the question of why the reformed Kittens had such a lowly chart position with their remake of 'Anyone Who Had A Heart'.

"I made that frigging band, but they never bothered to invite me back. I know their single bombed but that's because without me they're nothing."

Number one singles before Kerry left the band in 2001? None (their first No 1 'Whole Again' originally featured her, but she left before it was reworked with new Kitten Jenny Frost).

Number one singles after Kerry left the band? Three.

Reasons to hear from Kerry ever again? Too small to calculate.

KERRY KATONA, ATOMIC KITTEN, JENNY FROST, NOW! MAGAZINE, ANYONE WHO HAD A HEART, NUMBER ONE SINGLE

pass it on print article

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THE TALE OF JACK AND AMY
HERBIE: FULLY CLOTHED
NEWSMOUND

GREG'S NASTIES
ACTING UP
MILLER�S CROSSING (THE ATLANTIC)
WORKING 9 TO 9.05
BACKE ON TEH DRUGGES AGANE!

COMMENTS

		HoratioKnibbles on Wed 27 February 2008 said... what a ghastly fucking talentless whore
		strangelad on Wed 27 February 2008 said... How the fucking hell the talentless shower of shit ever charted says more about the record buying public than anything else.
		DickyM on Wed 27 February 2008 said... So thats what happened to Roy Kinnear's chin after he died
		DKP4 on Wed 27 February 2008 said... Kerry Katona should be punched in the eye. With a fork.
		JiggeryCock on Wed 27 February 2008 said... Is this Hello / Now / Heat magazine some sort of life support system? Can this griseous mass of adipose tissue with it's garden salad for a head, not function without 'nursey from the magazines' coming along to wipe up and publish her collective droolings? Does she have a hot wire embedded in that 'gnats frisbee, seen through the wrong end of a telescope, well beyond Pluto' sized brain, linked straight to OK Towers, so they can publish every twittering across the Katona synapses, without the hassle of having to phone her?
		robbie22 on Wed 27 February 2008 said... the fat pointless slag
		wobblefanny on Wed 27 February 2008 said... HM - just stop including her on the 'celeb' postings.. if we ignore her she will go away, we've got to be strong together - just say no - and then the bile that rises in my throat everytme I see the pointless twat may settle again..
		TouchingCloth on Wed 27 February 2008 said... She's modelling herself one the Andy Fordham of old!
		chriswahballs on Wed 27 February 2008 said... Who the fuck is this fucking terrible cunt of a person, can we bring the death penalty back please!!! How is she still a celeb anyway, fucking fat, ugly, druggie, annoying cunt of a cunt!! TWAT Off!
		chriswahballs on Wed 27 February 2008 said... Kerry, Go take your face for a SHIT!
		DOGPAS on Wed 27 February 2008 said... she is such a fat mess of a chav
		gaylord on Wed 27 February 2008 said... Anyone who buys hello/ok/heat is lining this fucking skanky bitches pockets. And if HM does actually pay for the pictures he uses (which he recently said he did) then by having this fucking cunt of a woman in one in every three of your fucking stories, this fucking website is helping line her fucking pockets when what really needs to happen is for all the money she receives to dry up and the fucking cunt have to live in a council flat where she's beaten every day for the rest of her life.
		darkfung on Wed 27 February 2008 said... It's HEATs fault she's still here ? but I buy Heat - and I fucking hate her !!! ..... god, I'm off to self-harm !
		dandyboy on Wed 27 February 2008 said... Better than self harming, spend the money on something decent. Like drugs. That have probably been dealt by her husband. Shit, they get everywhere!
		BustySinclair on Thu 28 February 2008 said... I always thought a 'band' was a group of people playing musical instruments, had no idea the term also described a collection of talentless turds.
		framey on Thu 28 February 2008 said... Pig-faced fat whore. Why do those cunts keep paying her money? Isn't it better to give chavs some aspirational figures, rather than fat, drugged-up, retarded, deluded slags. She'd be better to stop talking about Atomic Shitten anyway, those karaoke whores make my ears cry. Every song is a really bland cover version of a song which was originally utter shite in the first place, just like that gay Irish karaoke band Westlife. Aaargh...my blood pressure!