'P' IS FOR 'PRETENTIOUS'

This could be one of his incredibly humourous wind-ups ("You're Punk'd, Holy Moly!") but Ashton Kutcher claims that he urinates every morning. Not that surprising until you realise he waits until he is outside and surrounded by dogs before whizzing out a hot yellow cable, which must make him a delightful neighbour.

"I pee outside, outside my house, in my yard. I usually start off my day by taking my dogs out. While they go, I go. That's probably my least appealing habit."

Least appealing? Surely not? I'd rather watch him piss all day than act or perform sub-Beadle stunts on his famous friends. Couldn't he just go in the house? I'm sure Demi Moore isn't the greatest sight first thing in the morning but surely they have other bathrooms in the house? No, he has a good reason for this frankly arrestable behaviour.

"I just feel like I'm connecting with nature, I bond and feel like caveman. Man, tents, cave, pee, bush."

Cavemen. Tents. Fucking. Idiot.