TALKING POLLUX

There's trouble in Paradise for Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, whose twins are due in August. The pair should be delighted - they haven't had to spend a penny on getting this pair (unlike some of their other offspring), yet still they're falling out.
The Golden Couple are arguing over what to call the pair of little smashers. Angelina is a Gemini, which means she is strong, passionate and a believer in a ridiculous system of prediction where a presumably a twelfth of the world would be able to point at their horoscope in The Sun and squeal "That's uncanny! That's about me!"

She would like to name the children after the twins that make up Gemini, Castor and Pollux (the brothers of Helen of Troy). So far, so much hippy nonsense, but Brad isn't happy. Being a man of experience he has been around earthy types such as Guy Ritchie and Jason Statham (for which he deserves a medal of some kind).

No, Brad knows full well that one of these names sounds like a British swear word and is doing everything in his power to dissuade his wife from naming one of the twins after a set of testicles, hence their falling out.

Quite right, Brad. You wouldn't want kids in school taking the piss out of your kids' names, would you? Just ask Zahara, Maddox and the Spooneristic Shiloh Pitt. Hopefully he can talk her round and come up with a lovely traditional name such as 'Bricktop Bullet-Tooth Tony Wankaaah.'