The Name's Winehouse, Amy Winehouse

Producer Barbara Broccoli appears determined to fuck up the success of the last Bond movie, 'Casino Royale', by casting tottering goth poodle Amy Winehouse in the next instalment (as well as getting her to do the theme tune).

Incredibly, Barbara (who appears hellbent on tossing the billion-dollar franchise completely down the shitter) feels that manly-throated Amy would provide some of the "retro glamour of the original movies". What the fuck?

'A View To A Kill' had previously represented the nadir in attractive Bond women, featuring the 'interestingly-featured' (and not barking mental) Grace Jones as a 'sexy' adversary, whose sex scene with Roger Moore resembled two old oaks slowly wrestling each other's roots out of the earth.

Hopefully, Amy will use her natural talents to play a panda-eyed assassin who fails to kill the target before vomiting on the roulette table and copping off with one of the hostesses, then falling into a taxi while her spaghetti legs splay wide open, revealing her 'Poonraker'.