ANTS IN HER PANTS AMY

In the disgusting feral state that she lives in, Amy must have allowed little creatures - nits, cockroaches, gerbils maybe? - to descend from her beehive and live in the rest of her clothes. So when she thinks a member of the public is pinching her bum, it's actually one of these creatures just letting her know that they're hungry.

The latest occasion was on Saturday night in a pub (where else), before she later clobbered a 'fan' outside her Camden home for the same offence.

The punchee on this occasion, Wayne Lindsay, said the singer turned round and punched him three times in the face while he was standing behind her at the bar.

He said: "It really stung. I couldn’t believe it. I hadn’t said anything to her or touched her."

It probably stung because she had one of the creatures that had just bitten her ass on the end of her fist desperate for more of a meal after it failed to get any meat of Amy's raggedy old bones.

Wayne, from Cambridge, said she had been drinking tequila shots and looked as if she was "in another world".

Yes, the animal kingdom!

But a pal of Amy’s insisted: "Someone behind her pinched her bottom and she reacted."

Problem solved - just send pest control in wash those manky old shorts of hers and there'll be no more 'bum pinching'!