CROSS KEYS

Alicia Keys is one of those singers where you know the name but can't quite put your finger on exactly what she sang. I'm sure it's something sugary and pleasant and involves the words 'love' and 'ooh, baby ooh' at some point. Well, she also appears to be a bit of a prickly pear when it comes to the issue of race, and also a bit of a mentalist idiot when it comes to the subject of dead rappers and the involvement of the US government in their demise.

Alicia was being interviewed by Blender magazine, whose journalist probably thought it was going to be a nice chat over tea and biscuits but was horrified to find that it all turned a bit David Icke when they got down to the nitty gritty.

So when she declared her favourite song to be 'Me and my Bitch' (that old Notorious B.I.G. ditty about live, affection and respect) the interviewer asked Alicia if she was a fan of gangsta rap in general. Big mistake.

"Gangsta rap was a ploy to convince black people to kill each other. Gangsta rap didn't exist."

So what was all that East vs West Coast shouty stuff about then, or did we all imagine that? Or was it all a plan by The Man? Well, yes, it was, because Alicia explains that Tupac and Biggie were actually victims of assassinations.

"By the government and the media, to stop another great black leader from existing."

So far, so cuckoo. Alicia then revealed that she wears a gold AK-47 pendant around her neck, which is a classy move by anyone's standards. Yes, it is the finest assault weapon of the last 50 years (or since 1947, hence the number) but why would she be so fond of this rifle as to wear a little tacky tribute to it around her neckline?

In a follow up, the Associated Press contacted Alicia's mother, who seemed unaware that her daughter was on the cutting edge of black politics, and when asked about the AK-47 pendant replied,

"She wears what? That doesn’t sound like Alicia."

Parents, eh? They always embarrass you. Unlike the children, eh Alicia?