JAMIE OLIVER ANNOYED WITH SAINSBURY'S OVER CHICKENS

Bless spluttering fat-headed food roaster Jamie Oliver, who by the look of him hasn't cooked a thing in years, just scooping random animals straight from the field and throwing them down that overfed gullet. He's all annoyed that Sainsbury's chose not to get involved with a debate for 'Jamie's Fowl Dinners', due to dribble out onto the airwaves on Friday.

Conveniently forgetting who has been bankrolling him for the last few years, Oliver wanted all the heads of the major supermarkets to meet up and basically agree that they are wrong to sell battery eggs, and chickens. As if they were ever going to bow to that demand!

Of course, not everyone is in the position of being able to pay that significant extra amount to know that their chicken was pampered before having its neck wrung, or that eggs were teased out of its nethers by a butler with a silken handkerchief. Some people aren't as well off as Jamie, and simply have to eat cheap food. And some just couldn't give a fuck about the chicken, as long as it tastes OK, and is going cheep (sorry).

Now Jamie has become quite irate, spluttering even more than usual. Not about the cruelty to animals, but the cruelty to his own ego.

"It is shocking that the people I work for didn't turn up on the day. I don't know why. The fact that your PR department hasn't even got the confidence to turn up and talk about what you do for the millions of people who come through your doors each week. Of course the supermarkets should have turned up. How dare they not? I was really upset."

Aww, diddums. Jamie also reveals that some farmers are paid as little as 2p per chicken by the supermarkets. Perhaps if you didn't take your own wages home in a JCB bucket then they could pay a little bit more?