PERFECT CENTS

It must be hard being rapper 50 Cent. The best hotel rooms, more money than you could ever hope to spend and even more cash rolling in every night that you get up on stage and shout for an hour about your hood and how you're keepin it real. Now Fiddy has decided that he wants no more of groupies and would like to ask them to leave him alone.

Arthur Dollar revealed this new sensitive side in an interview with Vibe magazine, managing to sound holier than thou whilst using a word so offensive that it had to be forcibly escorted from the room.

"I've been in hotel rooms, and girls were already there in the closet - naked. … Hell, no! Are you kidding me? That's like Amsterdam. Amsterdam is fun for some people, but I don't want no [bleep] that costs $50. There's too many people that got $50."

Utterly charming. The ex-con and gang-banger really is a role model for us all. So in future, only high class 'whores' should consider hiding in his closet. Then jumping out and slapping him until he's senseless.