THE HEROES
| Kym Marsh | Or, more specifically, Kym Marsh's hair. It's astonishing. Sooo shiney. It's amazing to me that anyone can look directly at it without being dazzled. All the world's major religions are founded in deference to things far less magnificent. I predict that by this time next week, when financial armageddon has destroyed the world economy and we're all living in shacks made of dried donkey shit, locks of Kym Marsh hair will become the most valubale barter currency in the British Isles. |
| Katie Price | OK, never again here - but for her interview to Jason Donovan on local radio at the launch of her new perfume, Besotted (hmm, very classy). When asked about competitor perfumes from celebs like Victoria Beckham, she said 'I'd use it in the toilet for when Peter's had a shit - either that or strike a match'. Great to hear the version not meant for public broadcast. Cue grovelling apologies from Mr Donovan for any offence to our listeners. Top drawer stuff. |
| Kelly Osbourne | For slapping the showbiz columnist of the Sunday Mirror. As she looks like an even-uglier version of Charley from Big Brother, I'm sure Kelly was merely trying to knock some attractiveness into her. |
| Kimberley Walsh | I'd hack off my left foot with a bread knife then hop round the world on the bloodied stump just to inhale her farts. |
| kristen Kreuk | I watch Smallville because of you. |
| Kelly Sotherton | For being gorgeous. |
| Keith Floyd | Somebody bought me his Indian and Chinese cookbooks. Made a monster Chinese meal and it's the best food I've ever cooked in my life. He also made a fortune out of traveling. getting pisssed and generally fucking about. Top bloke. |
| King Arthur | Legend. |
| Knife Crime/Gun Crime/Devil Dog etc hyst | For keeping the country's Daily Mail reading middle class cunts holed up in their suburban white reservations where they belong. |
| Kelvin MacKenzie | I'm looking forward to you coming this far North, I've already got my knuckle dusters and steel toecapped boots ready... |
| Kevin Greening | As the result of a 4 hour drug fuelled sex session where he was trussed up in a rubber suit, cling film & gaffer tape and suspended upside down from some scaffolding - he snuffed it! Who the fuck wants to be remembered dying peacefully in your sleep! Good on you! You went out in an infamous blaze of glory. RIP. |
| Kate and Gin the dog | The only thing good about 'Britains Got Talent' (signature was great ONCE but that act gets old...) THE DOG DANCES! |
| Keeley Hazell | 2 reasons spring to mind. |
| Kenneth Branagh | Mainly for his passion stirring St Crispin's day speech in Henry V. If we had leaders who were like that in this country I would happily fight for them, but snivelling little shits like Tony Blair etc I wouldnt piss on them if they were on fire. |
| Kit Kat Senses | Dear Kinder Bueno, I think this is what you were aiming for, right? Best wishes, Me |
| Konnie Huq | She gives me the horn. |
| Konnie Huq | Not only is she fit, but no whinging lefty was gonna take that torch off her neither. |
| Kurt Russell | Cool as fuck (see Stuntman Mike, Snake Plissken, Jack Burton, Macready, and the mighty Gabriel Cash) and a decent enough bloke to have stuck with Goldie Hawn for 25 years now. All round top bloke!! |
| Keith Richards | ...ain't it about time this legend got a bloody Knighthood?! |
| Kerry Katonas mother in law | "my drunken mother in law smacked me so hard in the face that I fell to the floor in agony, I haven't felt the baby move since" keep up the good work lady! |